Charlotte Unmasks the Monsters & Shares Her Tips on Spotting a Narcissist

There's a monster under my bed. Or is it just in my head? Is it lurking in my closet, or hiding in the darkest shadows of my mind?

They walk among us—disguised as lovers, mothers, sisters, friends. What are they? Narcissists.

I find myself writing about this because I’ve been triggered again. I speak from my own experiences, my own self-taught knowledge. I am not an expert in psychology—only in survival. And that, in itself, is enough. I share my story to shed light on a reality that too many of us encounter and from which few escape unscathed.

I am in counselling because I can't do this alone. I’ve woken up in a cold sweat from nightmares, only to see one of the most notorious narcissists of our time clawing for power on a national stage. The audacity is so relentless that people have become numb to it, normalized it, and even signed on to it. It’s sobering to witness.

Watching all of this unfold has triggered something deep within me—the same helplessness I felt as a child. My faith in humanity wavers as I see friends, family, and neighbours drinking the Kool-Aid, blindly following. But should I be surprised? This isn’t the first or last time a truly despicable person has deceived others on their ascent to power. It happens again and again. But I refuse to normalize it.

Recently, my entire friend group imploded, all at the hands of someone no one suspected. It happened so subtly, so skillfully, that I never saw it coming. Or did I? Were the red flags there all along, and I simply ignored them? Is that what we do? Why?

Because most of us want to believe in the goodness of others. We assume everyone shares our moral compass. But not everyone does.

So, what is a narcissist? Are they born this way?

No. Narcissists are not inherently evil. However, they are often shaped by their environment, conditioned to believe they are superior, entitled to more, above the rules. According to research, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can develop due to:

• Genetics: A family history of NPD increases the likelihood.
• Parenting styles: Overindulgence, excessive control, or neglect can all contribute.
• Trauma and childhood experiences: Rejection, abuse, or lack of support can shape narcissistic tendencies.
• Cultural factors: Societies that prioritize individualism over community can encourage narcissistic traits.

While NPD is difficult to change, recovery is possible—but rare. Narcissists don’t usually seek help unless they are facing consequences they can’t avoid, like legal trouble or a personal crisis.

Narcissism exists on a spectrum. In small doses, confidence and self-importance can be healthy. But when it turns toxic—when it becomes a tool for manipulation and domination—it becomes a force that destroys lives.

Many of us have encountered narcissists without realizing it. Their greatest weapon is their ability to charm, to manipulate, to disguise their true nature. They don’t just hurt their direct victims—they recruit others to do their bidding. Their enablers, their flying monkeys, carry out the dirty work. A skilled narcissist rarely gets their own hands dirty.

I know this because I have lived it. As a child, I didn’t understand. I trusted the adults around me to protect me, not realizing they too were victims. They were blinded by someone so insidious that the truth was beyond comprehension.

They say the children of narcissists either become narcissists themselves or turn into warriors for others. I hope I am the latter.

Despite a lifetime of trying to heal, I’ve found myself ensnared by narcissists time and time again. Why? My husband tells me it’s because I have a good heart. I believe it’s also because of my trauma—a deep-seated codependency that stems from childhood abuse. This is the reality of CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)—a cycle of re-experiencing past wounds with new faces. Healing is a lifelong journey, one of awareness, strength, and relentless self-protection.

I hope that each experience makes me wiser without making me colder. I hope to recognize the signs earlier and teach others to do the same. If I do nothing else on this earth, I want to raise awareness. I have been you. You can be me. Together, we can hold one another up.

Narcissists thrive on isolation. They gain power by separating us, making us question ourselves, and making us too ashamed to speak. The greatest weapon against them is connection, knowledge, and support. If we talk, if we share, we are already winning.

When I am attacked, my instinct is to retreat, to disengage. Narcissists are masters of psychological warfare, skilled at creating doubt, feeding fear, and undermining confidence. They make you question your own sanity—sometimes, even your own friends do too.

I thought I had built an impenetrable sanctuary, far removed from the toxicity of the world. But narcissists always find a way in, often through the people you least suspect. Their ability to groom, to recruit allies, is their most terrifying strength.

We want to believe in justice. We want to believe that people who seem kind must be good. But the truth is, narcissists can be charming, attractive, and persuasive. Their charisma is their weapon.

And they cannot rise without followers.

A true narcissist rarely does their own dirty work. They manipulate others into carrying out their attacks. That is why so many people defend them—because they are under their spell.

But we are not powerless.

The biggest lie narcissists tell you is that you are powerless. You are not. You must trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it is wrong. If the math isn’t mathing, ask yourself why.

Never give away your power. Believe in yourself. Have faith in your own judgment. They cannot take what you do not give them.

Healing is possible. Protection is possible. And you are not alone.

We now have words for what we once suffered in silence. We have support. We have knowledge. And together, we can break the cycle.

You are not crazy. You are not weak. You are waking up.

And that is where the real power begins.