Kindred Keri: I Don't Want to Gossip With My Friends

I love my group of friends, but lately, I’ve noticed a troubling trend: whenever we get together, the conversation inevitably turns into gossip about people we know. I don’t want to participate, but I’m afraid speaking up will make me seem judgmental or like I’m trying to act “better than them.” How do I stop the gossip without alienating myself from my friends?

Kindred Keri says:

It’s hard when the social glue of a group turns sticky with gossip! You’re in a tricky position because wanting to maintain harmony with your friends is totally natural—but it’s also okay to want the conversation to steer away from a steady diet of whispering and “Did you hear?” moments.

Gossip often fills the space when we’re bored or unsure of what to talk about. It’s a way to connect, but it can quickly become toxic. To dial it down without turning your friends against you, try redirecting the conversation when it starts to veer into gossip territory. You can do this subtly, like shifting focus to a shared interest (“Speaking of work, has anyone been to that new café downtown yet?”) or by asking questions that invite your friends to share more positive stories about themselves.

If the chatter persists, don’t be afraid to take a gentle stand, but frame it in a way that emphasises your own feelings rather than judging theirs. For instance, say something like, “I’ve been trying to focus more on positive conversations lately. Can we talk about something else?” By making it about your personal preference and not an indictment of their behaviour, you’ll sound less like a critic and more like someone trying to add lightness to the mix.

And if that doesn’t work? It might be worth reflecting on whether these friends are aligned with your values. True friendships should lift you up, not leave you feeling like you’re swimming in murky waters. You deserve a space where you can connect deeply without the cost of someone else’s dignity.

Wishing you less drama and more delightful dialogue!