Kindred Keri: Grounded Because I Won't Cook for My Family

I'm an 18-year-old who loves cooking and started seriously doing it three years ago. My parents noticed and made cooking for the family one of my chores. While I didn’t mind at first, they were never grateful and constantly complained—too spicy, wrong side dish, or not the right kind of meat. I even tried making meal plans, but nothing helped. When I talked to my mom, she said this was just how cooking for a family is, and dismissed my concerns. Eventually, after being told I wasn’t a good cook and that they hated my food, I decided to stop cooking for them and only made meals for myself. Now, my parents are furious and have grounded me for two weeks for being "disrespectful."

Kindred Keri says:

First of all, let me commend you for taking up cooking at such a young age and sticking with it for three years—it's no small feat! Your passion for cooking should be a source of pride, not a burden or a cause for distress. It’s understandable that you’d feel hurt and discouraged after facing constant criticism, especially when your efforts weren't acknowledged.

Cooking for others, especially family, can sometimes feel like a thankless task. Your mom's response, though likely well-meaning, misses the mark in addressing your very valid concerns. It’s one thing to acknowledge that not everyone will appreciate every meal; it’s another to be met with constant negativity, which can sap your motivation and love for something you enjoy.

It’s disappointing that your parents didn’t recognize the impact their words and actions were having on you. By grounding you, they’re focusing on your reaction rather than the root cause of your frustration. From your perspective, you were trying to set a boundary and protect something you’re passionate about—a perfectly reasonable response when faced with ungratefulness and harsh criticism.

Here’s what I suggest: When things have calmed down, ask to have a calm and honest conversation with your parents. Explain how their words made you feel and how it led to your decision. Make it clear that you weren’t being disrespectful, but rather trying to preserve your joy in cooking. You might also suggest setting some new expectations: perhaps you can cook for the family occasionally or try new dishes together, making it a more collaborative experience. 

If they’re open to it, you might find a way to balance your love for cooking with their needs while ensuring that your efforts are respected. But remember, it’s also okay to prioritize your own well-being and continue cooking just for yourself if that’s what makes you happiest right now.

You deserve to enjoy your culinary journey without feeling undervalued or disrespected. Stay strong, and keep those cooking flames alive—who knows, this might just be the start of something much bigger for you in the future!