Kindred Keri: Friend Guilts Us About Our "Wealth"

I have a friend, Lisa (25F), who often finds herself in tough situations, mostly due to a poor relationship with her family. Since 18, she's lived independently with little contact with them. Because of this, Lisa has developed a habit of asking "well-off" friends to cover her rent, bills, and groceries. Most of the time, they oblige, but when someone says no, she gets angry and guilts them about their "wealth."

I started lying to Lisa about my finances after I saved over $7k, but a mutual friend let it slip. Lisa then asked me to cover her $190 electric bill, and when I declined, she blew up, accusing me of being greedy since I live with my parents and don't "need" the money. 

I told her it wasn't about the money, but her attitude, especially since I’ve seen her spend other people’s money on luxuries like cocktails and clothes. I blocked her before she could respond.

Now, mutual friends are saying I could’ve handled it better or just given her the money. What do I do?

Kindred Keri says:

It sounds like you're in a challenging situation with Lisa, and I completely understand your frustration. While it’s natural to want to help a friend in need, it seems Lisa has developed a pattern of relying on others to cover her expenses without taking responsibility for her own financial habits.

It was perfectly reasonable for you to set boundaries around your finances—no one should feel obligated to fund someone else’s lifestyle, especially when that person is making choices to spend on luxuries. The issue here isn’t just the money, but the entitlement and manipulation Lisa displays when she doesn’t get her way. You handled the situation honestly by explaining that her attitude was the real problem, not your willingness or ability to help.

That said, the way you delivered your message might have come off as harsh, especially if she’s struggling emotionally or financially. Blocking her may have been an overreaction, but setting firm boundaries was necessary. Consider this an opportunity to reflect on whether Lisa adds value to your life or drains your energy.

If you want to move forward, you could reach out and explain your side more calmly, offering support in ways that don’t involve financial handouts. However, if you feel that her behavior will continue to affect you negatively, it’s okay to distance yourself and protect your own peace.

Ultimately, friendship should be built on mutual respect, not guilt or obligation. Trust your instincts, and don’t let others make you feel bad for setting boundaries.