Healing from Domestic Violence - DWC Magazine: Strong Women, Strong Voices

Healing from Domestic Violence

Healing from Domestic Violence

In the last few weeks, one of the major tasks I have set out to do personally, is to fix my broken bits. Literal broken bits.

In November 2017, he (soon to be ex) had been away on a work trip to New York. He came home, drunk and unhappy which wasn’t anything new.

An argument ensued. He threw a patio chair at me. I ducked. Then lunged towards him in a bid to get him to not throw anymore things. He pushed me and I fell, on beer bottles. Which broke / shattered underneath me. Into my skin. My bum and back.

I ended up at emergency. Wounds were cleaned. He explained how I had made him angry, I promised to do better and life carried on.

Over the years, these wounds would bubble. Nothing was in them. But they were not healing as they should.

In February this year, one doctor pointed out the bubbling was actually an MRSA infection.

When I left him, I promised myself, my biggest gift to me, would be to fix these broken bits among the other bits which I will get to in time. No matter the pain or number of surgeries, it would be my way to move forward. I needed healing from domestic violence. 

And so surgeries started in May. Stronger antibiotics. Wounds were treated in sections. Last week, all the wounds on my right bum did not heal. Even after antibiotics and cleaning, the wounds remain infected.

I have been having the wounds cleaned daily now. Yesterday, the nurse doing it asked softly, “how did this happen?”

I had no answer for her. As I tried to compose a sentence of sorts, she asked, “is he gone?” My answer was “yes.”

To which she said, “mine too. Now, it’s just me and my son.”

It is sad, as women, this appears to be a silent code.

It is sad, as women, we understand these things before we see it.

It is sad, as women, we fully understand with so few questions or answers.

It is heartbreaking, as women, it is instinct that helps us recognise and understand. It is INSIDE us. There is no guidebook or video that teaches us. We just know.

But.

It is also beautiful, as women, we have this instinct. This quiet strength that enables us to reach out to someone else in a similar situation.

It is a firm nod. If I can do it, so can you.

It is beyond beautiful, as women, we come together. Irrelevant of age, culture and religion, we are able to reach out and say, I understand this and I am here for you.

When I first posted in May this year about why I had to leave my marriage, the outpouring of support in the comments section is something I will remember for as long as I live.

There were the generic ones and then there were the ones so specific and eerily similar to distance, method of leaving and legal issues, I could not believe it. But I was also blessed to be a part of so much strength and inspiration.

It isn’t the best thing to have in common. But the strength that seems to pass through the comments sections on some threads here is definitely a force to be reckoned with.

As we each wrestle with the dark and light inside of us, I wish you light.

Also. I say this gently. I say this because many of us know it’s happening. It’s the time of year when the UK sees a significant increase in domestic violence cases. Please seek help. Through friends. Through neighbours. Through your local hospital. Please reach out.

You are more understood than you think. There is light at the end of the dark tunnel you are in. Healing from domestic violence is a possibility. I promise. I was there once.

Photo: Banana trees sunset in Canary Islands by Carol Marin. I love sunsets more than I do sunrises. One, because I love a sleep in. Two, where the sunrise is cheery and wishes you a good day, the sunset says, here is hope. It’ll be dark soon but light is on its way.

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